I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
