Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
