We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
