Your dad touched me again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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