1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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