i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
