you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hippo gnu deer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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