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I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
