Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
