She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
