You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
