My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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