that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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