Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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