Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
COCAINE IS GR8
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
