dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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