I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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