my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't turn off my feet"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
