I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
