It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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