Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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