Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
