So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
