I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
