Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you repeat that, but with context?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
