My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
