could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
