on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
