Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
