Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
