apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
