I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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