I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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