You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
