i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
