Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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