So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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