Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
