im having a threesome with these popsicles
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
