so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
