Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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