Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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