my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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