the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
