CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
BRING THE BAGELS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize