I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
