So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
