i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
