Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
