Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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