Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
