I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay