I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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