at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
