...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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