The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
