Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
